How To Tackle Finances In New Relationships

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I recently talked with Pastor Carlos Rivera, a Biblical financial coach, about tackling finances in a new relationship. As an expert in financial stewardship and a seasoned married man, having a conversation with him would benefit me and my single readers. I believe that the Bible is not only the word of God but also a valuable resource for Christians to walk out their faith. While it is true that the Bible is not exhaustive regarding information or insights surrounding dating, courting, and the intricacies of building and maintaining relationships, it does emphasize the importance of seeking Godly counsel and wisdom. The Bible says, “In the multitude of counselors, there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). It also states, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). I believe that when dating, it is essential to gather information about the person you are seeing and also seek insights from those who have experienced more in that area.

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Discussing morals and values is crucial when beginning a new relationship; however, I must admit that I often struggle with finding the right words when it comes to discussing finances. My reluctance to address financial topics in dating may stem from my parents never discussing finances at home while I was growing up. This lack of exposure has contributed to my limited understanding and financial confidence. For this reason, Pastor Carlos Rivera’s insights were incredibly informative.

Photo provided by Pastor Carlos Rivera

Why Is It Important to Discuss Finances Early in a New Relationship?

Pastor Carlos expressed that we often avoid conversations about money in society and the church due to individuals’ upbringings. Some may naturally be inclined towards financial discussions if they were commonplace in their homes. However, in households where finances are not discussed, there often needs to be insight or language to facilitate these conversations in a new relationship. Pastor Carlos coined the term “generational ignorance.” If we delve into the meaning of ignorance, it refers to a lack of knowledge or awareness. If we’re honest with ourselves, many of us have areas where we could grow our understanding of finances.

Pastor Carlos strongly believes that we cannot walk into the fullness of our purposes if we do not understand what the Bible says about our finances. He emphasizes that there are 2,306 scriptures about finances. Many people interpret Paul’s scripture about being unequally yoked as solely referring to a person’s faith identity, whether they are Christian or not. However, Pastor Carlos believes that the biblical principle of being  “unequally yoked” can also apply to a person’s financial understanding and values. To be in an equally yoked relationship, one needs to be like-minded regarding financial matters.

What Are Some of the Benefits of Having These Conversations Early On?

• It Creates Intimacy Beyond Physical Connection: Financial discussions foster deeper emotional and intellectual intimacy between partners, encouraging transparency and trust.
• It Sharpens Our Understanding of Beliefs: These conversations help us clarify and solidify our values and beliefs about money, ensuring we understand what we believe and why we believe it.
• Different Perspectives on Finances Can Be Deal-Breakers: Differences in how people approach finances can lead to significant conflicts, making early discussions crucial to determine compatibility.

Many people find it challenging to have conversations about finances in society. This difficulty can be due to several reasons, such as discomfort, lack of knowledge, or differing financial backgrounds. These conversations can be awkward or uncomfortable, especially if you’re unsure what to say, how to say it or feel insecure about your financial situation. However, avoidance is not the proper response.

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Pastor Carlos provided some insightful advice when I asked how couples could initiate financial conversations without making it awkward or uncomfortable. One suggestion was to treat these conversations as ongoing dialogues rather than one-time discussions, allowing them to unfold organically over time. Another excellent method is to initiate these conversations in a game format, where questions are more general than specific. This approach helps understand a person’s financial mindset without making it too personal or confrontational. For example, a question like “How much should a man spend on an engagement ring?” allows for a discussion about values, whereas “How much would you spend?” makes it specific to the couple. Games are a way to relieve pressure and understand a person’s values without making it awkward.

Pastor Carlos shared a great quote from our conversation:

“Every dollar I spend today could be more in the future. This is how my brain works. My wife doesn’t think this way. We approach money differently. This could be a source of conflict, or we can come to some form of agreement. I understand that she is not like me because we have different money personalities. I need to be able to accommodate her, and she needs to be able to accommodate me. We submit to one another. This is how it works in our marriage.”

This quote helped me understand how couples can navigate differences in marriage when discussing finances or holding different financial values.

Even if couples hold different views on finances or have other financial personalities, there are ways for them to align their financial goals. The methods Pastor Carlos shared in our interview are approachable and feasible. Two ideas are:

1. Initiate Conversations Early: Couples should initiate financial conversations early on rather than later. This proactive approach ensures that both partners are on the same page.
2. Create Vision Boards Together: Couples can create vision boards to visualize their financial goals. This creative exercise allows partners to see where their priorities align or differ, fostering understanding and collaboration.

In conclusion, having conversations about financial views is crucial when getting to know a potential partner. It’s essential to have these discussions early on in a way that feels organic to the budding relationship. There are various topics related to financial literacy and values that can be explored in a manner that is not awkward or uncomfortable, using methods such as conversation starters or developing vision boards together.

Even if one person needs more language to discuss finances, this should encourage them to engage in the conversation, as these matters are vital when developing a marriage or relationship. When we discuss biblical principles, such as being unequally yoked, we shouldn’t overlook how financial values contribute to whether a couple is equally yoked.

Carlos Rivera is a Biblical financial coach who examines how generosity, biblical patterns of tithing, and financial stewardship are obligations for faithful service to God. He explores these topics through his book and events designed for people of faith.

Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.

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How To Tackle Finances In New Relationships  was originally published on elev8.com