6 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist & How To Handle It

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In November, rapper, actor, and Masked Singer host Nick Cannon revealed that he’d been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a mental health condition that describes someone who has an unhealthy sense of their own self importance. NPD affects .05 to 5 percent of the American population and most commonly presents itself in men. A clinically narcissistic person has a grandiose sense of self and is someone who puts too much focus on themselves and how others perceive them which can lead to tension in their relationships.

“I grew up in a Christian household where I was told I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I am a mover, I’m a shaker, I’m more than a conqueror,” Cannon said of possible the origins of his inflated self confidence on the Counsel Culture Podcast. He said that therapy helped him realize that his sense of self had started to become unhealthy and that he identifies with nearly “all the markers of the disorder.”  “I’ve been attempting to do the work on myself and I have a lot of therapists and people speaking to me. Ultimately, what everyone says is that I can get to that high functioning space with the willingness to do the work.”

Narcissism is a term that is frequently used but seldom understood. In the age of pop psychology and eye-catching Instagram posts, many people may believe they’ve known or dated a narcissist, but how can we know the difference between someone who is just annoyingly cocky, and someone with an actual disorder that can be treated? 

Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

Narcissism is often associated with an obsession over one’s physical appearance. The term narcissist originates from the Greek myth of Narcissus who couldn’t stop looking at his reflection in a pool of water and stared enraptured with his own image until he died. While obsession over looks can be a sign of narcissism, there are a few common symptoms to look out for to determine whether someone has NPD.

1. Consistent Grandiosity

People with NPD want to be recognized as superior even if they don’t have the talent or achievement to back up their own sense of self. They may be preoccupied with fantasies about their own success, beauty, and power, they may exaggerate their own accomplishments or else overestimate their abilities, and they have a tendency to frequently brag about themselves.

2. Arrogance or a sense of entitlement 

Everyone wants the best life has to offer but a person with NPD strongly believes they deserve the best simply because they exist. Narcissists expect special treatment or favors and may respond negatively when feeling rejected or denied. People with NPD may also be hypercritical of others or look down on those whom they don’t consider to be important.

3. Manipulative behavior

Because a person with NPD feels as though they deserve everything they want, they may take advantage of people to get what they want. Narcissists expect people to do what they want them to do without question and a person with NPD may exploit others to achieve a personal goal with little to no regard for that person’s feelings about being used.

4. Lack of empathy

People with NPD may have an inability to recognize the feelings of others or meet their needs. Narcissists may see open displays of emotions as a sign of weakness and they may have difficulty returning the affection that they themselves require of others.

5. A need for validation or admiration

Narcissists require excessive attention and admiration. Despite their overwhelming displays of confidence and arrogance, people with NPD often have extremely low self esteem and are plagued by feelings of self-doubt and a preoccupation with what others think of them. They may fish for compliments and insist upon having the best of everything (ie: the best car, the best table at a restaurant, or the best office).

6. Envy

Because narcissists want to be perceived as the best at everything they do, people with NPD have a tendency toward jealousy toward the success of others. Not only may a narcissist feel persistently envious of others accomplishments, but they may believe that most people are envious of them. This belief can lead to a state of paranoia and further inflate a narcissist’s ego.

How to Deal with a Narcissist

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may have a hard time maintaining healthy relationships. Because they struggle with empathy, they may have difficulty meeting the needs of their romantic partners. In the workplace, narcissists may be overly aggressive in their quest for success or they may take credit for other’s work. As parents, people with NPD may have unrealistic expectations of their children or tend to dominate most interactions making communication among family members very difficult.

NPD is diagnosed by a psychiatrist or mental health professional but if you feel as though you’re in a romantic or personal relationship with someone who demonstrates the signs of NPD, there are a few things you can do to protect your own mental health. Setting and establishing boundaries and communicating your needs frequently and assertively can help you avoid emotional outbursts and being drawn into a narcissist’s manipulation tactics. Create a strong support system around you and, if you need it, seek mental health counseling of your own. Remember, it’s not your job to control another person’s emotions or behavior, they have to seek help and change on their own. 

Everyone may demonstrate narcissistic behavior from time to time and in some cases, a high sense of self confidence can be a good thing! It’s when things start to get unhealthy and relationships start to suffer that one has to take a long (but too long!), hard look in the mirror and decide to do the work to make a change.

“I feel like there’s so many labels out there, but it’s like, to be able to embrace [NPD] and say, ‘Look, I’m healing. I need help. Show me.’ I just embrace mental health and therapy in such a strong way,” Nick Cannon told PEOPLE.com about his diagnosis. “To be able to say I’m an example for others, but also be healing during the self-process works too.”

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How Do You Know When You’re in a Relationship With a Narcissist?  was originally published on elev8.com